Recently I went to my cousin’s basketball game. He’s a senior in high school. At first, I thought to myself let me look good just in case there are cute basketball players there. And then I realized that was semi-illegal, for I am 22 and I have a full-time job out of college with benefits. Instead, I decided to wear my life is good t-shirt that says, “be yourself”. It’s something high school kids don’t really do. I was happy with my choice because I watched how these kids acted, just like we all did in high school. Dramatic about the smallest things, ignoring the most important things. But, like my friend told me yesterday, “I think you’re the only person I know who wants to go back to high school.” It’s true. I can’t say I would give anything to go back, but I would definitely enjoy the experience. I loved college for what I learned there. In comparison to high school, I found things I loved to learn about and had the freedom to choose to keep going with similar kind of classes. Let’s just say, European Romanticism was taken twice. High school absolutely stunk when it came to classes. You only were able to choose one elective … home economics, project adventure 2, legal studies, psychology. You hate math? Well, either pretend you suck and get into the easy classes, or (unfortunately for my perfectionist attitude) take a math class that is very challenging with a teacher who scares the crap out of you just so it looks good for the next four years, where you take one math class made for seventh graders. So yes, that part I do miss about college. The ability to pick your own schedule and what classes to take. But then again, you’re paying for all of it. You’re paying for an education most got for free in high school with just a little less restrictions – remember the general education classes everyone has to take?
Everyone says college will be the best years of your life. And for most, if not all, this is probably true. Or at least if you hate college, you definitely don’t hate it as you much as you hated high school. For me, I would say it’s the exact opposite. Yes, I found who I wanted to be in college but finding out the unrealistic part of it, of being a writer at a time when electronics are taking over, that took a toll on me. Realizing that your life isn’t what you thought it would be and isn’t as easy as you thought it would be is terrifying. Knowing that your dream job won’t suffice, at least until money is saved up (which I presume will take about five years), is a heart breaker. It’s something we never even imagine happening in high school. College is basically over a rainbow looking down at you and telling you to come as soon as possible. But you get to the top of the rainbow, and the other side is a fire pit where money is thrown into and on the other side of the pit is your dreams reaching out for your hand. You’re deciding these terribly important things at an age where your brain isn’t even fully developed. Talk about tough.
Now let’s talk about high school problems …
When what to wear for prom was the biggest decision you had senior year. When sitting next to your best friends at lunch was a piece of cake, albeit they were in the same period as you. SAT’s being equivalent to just one final in college. It may be longer but far less important. When the biggest drama was either with boys or best friends. When what you wear was actually a big deal, for me at least. I wore more heels in high school than I ever did in college. I wore more sweatpants in college than I ever did in high school. For impressing someone was actually kind of fun. Just dress up in whatever outfit you think looks good. A thong or regular underwear wasn’t a question really. It wasn’t stressful like it is now. There wasn’t that heart-dropping question of what is this guy’s real motive, sex? Love? Does he really want a relationship? Most people in high school don’t have the engagement scene in their head before they go on a date like we all secretly (or not so secretly) do now. Their dates were usually the movies and a kiss on the cheek goodbye. How I wish things were that easy now. Drama didn’t consist of money, what to do with it, when to use it. And saving it? Very good joke. Need new Uggs? Ask your parents. Your case is: but mom, everyone has them! And fitting in is absolute torture for high school students so your mother ultimately agrees (but only if you clean your room … uh done!)
Fitting in in high school was definitely scarier than in college. You could just chill in your dorm room or if you were a commuter like me, just go home after class if you didn’t want to talk. Social life wasn’t necessary. But this is why I would want to go back to high school. The Social Life. I was a shy person in high school, but I was content. I talked to people I wanted to talk to, was blessed enough not to be bullied (middle school is another story to publish), and didn’t have the worries that magically comes upon us in a Niagra Falls effect once you hit college. You were able to have a social life with actually socialization. Drinking wasn’t big. Drinking was illegal so it was quiet. You turn 21 and let’s hang out is equivalent to let’s go get wasted at the local bar, shottie not being DD! Let’s hang out in high school usually meant let’s go to the mall, see a movie, or just watch a movie at someone’s house. Play games even (and not drinking games).
Yes, for high school students, the things that are important to them are laughed at in college. The “I wish this was my problem” is blurted out of the college kid’s mouth while the high school kid is yelling, “but this is important! He just dumped me over text and now everyone is going to know.” If I had the mindset I do now back in high school, laughter would be my main answer to most “high school drama”.
A lot has changed over the past five years of my life. And I’m finally myself again. My dad told me once, when I was going through my depression and anxiety, that he misses high school Kristin, the one who was confident and didn’t really care. Now, I over think everything. Every person has a motive (usually a bad one); everything is to the extreme when it absolutely shouldn’t be. I missed a deadline? Well that’s going to ruin my night. In high school, when I missed a homework assignment, they either didn’t check or they caught me and said just do it by tomorrow. Life was easier. Life was less stressful. Life was about doing well at a volleyball match, getting as many assists as I can, and if I didn’t, getting mad at myself until the next match and then just trying harder. It wasn’t about if I didn’t meet a deadline, the idea of getting fired surfacing, my whole stability in life being questioned. Life was about flirting not sex. Giving sweet texts not sexting. It was about eating candy and drinking soda to get caffeinated and a little crazy at a friend’s house, not coffee in the morning just to be able to function or alcohol at night just so we wouldn’t have to function anymore. It was about beer pong. It wasn’t about how many shots can you do in a night without throwing up.
I want to go back to high school because that was where I was most content with my life. Worries were far from what they are now. I didn’t have to think about moving out and living on my own. Maybe relying on someone is what I am getting at. My parents are still there for me 100 percent of course, but it’s to the point where I don’t want to rely on them, or I “shouldn’t”. My parents dealt with my worries when I was in high school and now it’s my turn to deal with them. Maybe I’m getting at the fact that I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to be that girl in the office that arrives fifteen minutes early, at 8:15, and leaves just a little later than 5:30. I want to go back to the stupid drama of, “oh my god, he didn’t text me. What did I do?” instead of hearing about the person you thought you could fall for still being in love with his ex.
Even in college, there may not have been as many worries as I have now in the real world. But for me, college wasn’t about drinking, having fun and not caring. It was about getting good grades and trying to figure out my depression and anxiety. Then when the medication didn’t work, trying to get past the suicidal thoughts. And then going to a psych ward for a couple of days and coming back and still needing to go to college so I wouldn’t lose my scholarship. It was about studying abroad in London and realizing I have an alcohol problem a whole two years later. I would want to go back to high school to see what it was like to not have those problems on top of the ones I have now. Just to live maybe a year in worrying about a forty minute test that if you don’t do well on, well there’s always the next one. I want to flirt with the teachers without having a kind of sexual undertone with it. Just doing things because it was fun not because of any other reason. Not even thinking about sex or drinking. Not even thinking that I could ever become suicidal or become an alcoholic. Just being free of that.
Freedom from my mind. That’s what I had in high school. That’s what I want back.
By: Kristin Jane Smith
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