When your soul mate is taken by somebody else

"The first time you glimpse at one another you are immediately drawn to each other, extremely different than ever recognizing anyone you have ever met before. You already know them, feel who they are. Then you speak and realize this is the most amazing person you have ever met and you feel unnaturally  comfortable with them. Instead of wanting to know the "basics" about them it is like meeting an old friend you haven't seen in ages and it is time to catch up. This is the person you have been searching for. In that moment the longing stops but you don't realize until you are forced to be apart. This person completes you on a spiritual level and anything could happen, good or bad, one look in their eyes brings a smile to your face and peace to your heart. Suddenly everything you have worked for in your life becomes clear and the path you were unsure of following is now being lit for the both of you to follow. All your fears vanish and you no longer question your purpose in life because together the purpose evolves on its own. You find their insecurities as parts of their soul you need to heal. Mutual understanding and respect. Days filled with laughter. Even if you are sitting next to each other, touching each other, it still feels like they are miles away because that person could never be close enough yet at the same time it feels like you are melting together and your spirits are dancing." -urbandictionary.com

______________________________

I seem to be

in love with the

idea of falling

in love.

______________________________

I'm not the biggest fan of love nor am I its number one detractor. I have been in love, I have already loved, I know how it feels to be head over heels and for me, those experiences are already enough. I don't need to go through it again. I cannot afford to see myself crying and hurting just because I am vulnerable and I seem to be in love with the idea of falling in love.

I spent a while getting to know myself and I got to know how vulnerable I was when it comes to my emotions, when it comes to love and these were enough reasons to force myself to build this wall so no one could get in easily. Every time somebody tried to sneak in to my lair, nobody got out alive. Nobody... because how could they get out when they never made it in? It's possible because I can smell the bullshit from a mile away and these sneaky tactics never earned them a step, or even a tip toe inside my life. Truly, you cannot bullshit a bullshitter.

I was already having the time of my life playing games with people, their minds and their emotions, I knew karma was already on its way to teach me a lesson but never did I expect it would come way too soon.

While playing these games can be super fun, other times it can also be tiring. I felt it when I met someone and I felt this magnetic force pulling me towards him, the attraction was there but I was in denial. This couldn't be, not now, not him please. Whenever I was with him, I talked to him - I always feel this inexplicable electrifying giddy-ness that I keep brushing off because I can't control it. I'm not sure what this is. Happiness? I know what happiness is, I know how it feels! or so I thought. Time came that I took him for granted, I didn't talk to him for a week. I wasn't sure why I did that, partly because I don't want to get used to the good feeling that he's giving me? Come to think of it, I was never used to it ever. The feeling seemed like so foreign to me. Sounds cheesy but the more I was away with him the more these feelings seem to fade away but I didn't want to. I got sad and confused, one day I just had to admit it to myself that I've finally figured out why I'm going through all these. I found him, I think I found my soul mate.

I was sure that he was my soul mate, only there was one thing that's holding me back. What? What, you say? His heart has already been taken by somebody else. But what is a soul mate anyway if you can't even be together? And that's the story of how I ended up googling its definition. How it was described in the web is exactly how I felt the moment I laid my eyes on him and the feeling became stronger everyday. I do not mind if he loves somebody else because she came first. Yet, I do not want to lie to myself that every time I think about him, he was indeed a constant reminder of what kind of man I want to end up with and sure enough, I want to be with him... It's just that... he was somebody else's. pfft. it sucks.

______________________________

When he smiles,

you'll experience that

momentary blindness

as he flashes his

pearly whites.

______________________________

I could sense the disorientation in this blog post but I felt that I really have to write this down. I wanna write down what I feel for him. what I feel every time he talks to me in his sweet soft spoken manner, the way his manly voice travels into my ears.. that manly voice that I keep playing back in my mind whenever I'm alone. I kinda miss the feeling of looking into his eyes, his brown eyes.. He has this certain look that just makes you want to get lost in the moment and in his beautiful eyes. When he smiles, you'll experience that momentary blindness as he flashes those pearly whites and probably, you just had your near death experience with his killer smile. I love everything about this guy, his hair, his jokes, his humor, his wit, his talent... everything. His girl is lucky, very lucky indeed.

I miss everything about him, I am addicted to him and if you would ask me what sanity is. It's being around him, beside him, with him. Right now, I've lost my sanity and I am uncertain when my sanity will be restored. Will it ever be restored? These are one of the questions that I keep asking myself. You cannot blame me. We are alike in many ways, we are kindred spirits and I can't help but wonder, why did I meet him? What is his purpose in my life? Why did it have to be like this? What's the use of us being soul mates?

Then I was strucked with the most important answer of all.. Kindred spirits.. You can be alike in many ways, almost meant to be. You can be somebody's soul mate even if you are someone else's destiny.

BY: Cee Blakely

Image Source: We Heart It