Worth the risk

What if it is worth the risk?

My life has been somewhat turned upside down in the past month. I am surprisingly unemployed but more than that, I have started to realize who I am as a person and the things I want out of life. I am a planner and have struggled with the idea of losing my plan; the idea of where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

In the midst of losing my plan, my ideas and my short-term dreams, I have found something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to. On December 31st, my plans had changed and I was going to spend New Years with my parents as a quiet night in and take a breath to figure out what had just transgressed. I had a couple drinks and decided to have a bubble bath when I got a text message from a friend saying that she was coming to pick me up. There was no wallowing allowed on New Years!

I rushed to get ready while my friend drove to pick me up and we headed out a to house party with her high school friends. We had a lot of fun, got drunk (as you should on New Years) and I met one of her single friends. He was super cute, but so quiet. I couldn’t read him. At one point in the night, we ended up on the balcony. I had stolen his jacket earlier when I went out with friends but quickly everyone left and it was just the two of us. Well, one thing led to another and we found ourselves making out in the freezing cold and then heading inside to warm up before going back to our spot.

We had a great night, we spent a lot of it kissing but it was great. I was a little worried that he might view it as a drunken mistake but figured I would message him and see how he felt. Well it has turned out to be great. We’ve gone out multiple times and have promised each other to take it slow. I am in a spot in life where I would love to be in a loving, committed relationship. I am ready to take the risk and be with someone even if I end up getting hurt - I think it is worth the risk.

Well, he feels differently. He is not ready to be in a relationship and he’s scared to hurt me. But I want to take the risk. We are at a little bit of an awkward spot because I want to pursue him and he wants to pursue me but where do we stand. There are obvious signs of attraction and we have a ton of chemistry. That is not our issue. Our issue is that I want a relationship and he’s scared that he won’t be good at a relationship. I am wary of telling myself that he will change his mind because there is a chance that he won’t. But I want to take the risk. He’s the first guy that surprises me every time we go out together. He opens doors, he cleans the snow off my car, he instigates most kisses. He’s quiet, mysterious, sometimes serious but sometimes silly. We just click. He’s tall, dark and handsome and everything I want right now.

We have deep, intense conversations and I’ve told him more than I tell most people this quickly. I am trying to keep at least part of my heart guarded but it is easier said than done. Especially when I am so into him this quickly. We have similar values and similar goals. It seems like I have found someone who could both challenge and compliment me.

Being a hopeless romantic scares him. But I say love is a wonderful, enchanting feeling that I am going to run full force towards instead of running away from. Call me crazy, but in this moment I think this tall, dark, beautiful man is worth the risk. So heart be kind if it doesn’t work out but I’m not so secretly hoping it will because love, I think is worth it.




By: Elle Paige