Silence, Love and a Hypocrite

"If you are brave enough to face all the weird stuff in the world, you'll feel and go through some things that you'll never experience doing the regular things that you do because that's what society tells you to."

This is what I often tell people who never understand the way I am. Yes, we are all unique but apart from being unique, I am still different from everyone else. I do the things that normal people do but probably I do it better. I do it in ways people cannot fathom unless I explain it to them and only if they really want to know.

I'm misunderstood.

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People say I'm weird

but I take that as

a compliment.

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I'm a social outcast but it's fine. I am often rejected but I don't mind.People say I'm weird and I take that as a compliment. Nobody wants to be friends with me, no biggie. I like being alone anyway, hell I'm like 20 people in one body and with that in me, who needs friends and enemies?

SILENCE. Silence is my ally. Silence is a gift that I treasure and in solitude, I feel like I'm floating along with my thoughts. Reflections hurt but it helps in knocking sense into me. Observing is one of my favorite hobbies. It helps me understand people, get to know them without words needed and with it, I've learned to treat certain people the way they should be treated. Instincts, Intuition... these are my personal favorites. They really work. Tune in to yours and you'll get what I mean. I believe these are the most powerful tools that I have, these have helped me survive in the troubles I get in to and get out of. Even if these are the things that regular people are scared of, or these are things they don't believe in, I feel otherwise. I love these things and embracing them makes me look like the crazy one. If believing in the inexplicable means being insane, yes, I guess I am and funny how people often run to the crazy person for sensible and helpful advice.

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Imprisoned in a cage

without walls,

that's what love is for me.

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LOVE. love seems to make everyone's world go round. love seems to be everybody's favorite thing in the world. Don't tell me you have no idea why because I've heard enough stories of people giving it, taking it, praying for it and some even begging for it yet, not everyone seems to know its real meaning. Just like fashion, everyone wants it, they want to be part of the "IN" crowd since everyone else is talking about it, some people are flaunting it, others are desperate to have it and you? you're either one of those three but I'm sure I'm not. Love just makes people's lives miserable. Smart people become stupid. Strong people become weak. Independent people become dependent. the list goes on, you get the gist. But people still continue take the risk because somehow being wretched with someone makes them happier than being alone and care free. All our lives we struggle to be happy yet  everyone seems to have a masochistic streak and a distorted perception of happiness. Probably the happiness they meant was to be imprisoned in a cage without walls and that's what love is for me.

A HYPOCRITE. That's what I would be if I don't admit that I have been a happy victim of love one to many times. I was and I would still be willing but I do not find any logical reason for doing so unless you are worth it. I've fallen inlove with a man and a woman. I've given so much of me to a man to the point that nothing was left of who I was. Fortunately, I was able to recover from it and then I met this woman. This wasn't the first time that I have been involved with someone of the same sex as I do but she was different and it didn't take long for us to fall in love with each other...  It also didn't take long for it to come to an end. Happy endings? They don't exist. Or do they? Maybe you get to that point by the time that you're dead and you're already in heaven with the Lord. Simple. Just read the defintion of the word "end". For as long as we are alive, anything is endless. Anyway, those were the two major cases that made me believe love really isn't enough to make people stay in your life. Can you do anything about it? What? Commit suicide? Emotional Blackmail? Plot Revenge? NO. Just move on and I did. I was doing fine, I had nothing to worry about until I met someone and I felt the hair stand up at the back of my nape. No, I didn't see a ghost. I just saw someone who made me feel something I never expected to feel too soon.

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You just meet people

who affects you in ways

you cannot verbalize.

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While I mastered the games of seduction very well and familiarized every mask that I should wear for every play, this person was just too good for those pesky little tricks. To add to your surprise, she's a girl. I'm not a lesbian, the world is just weird and as I'd always love to say it, "you just meet people who affects you in ways you cannot verbalize" and she was that person to me. I went out of my way to get to know her, to get close to her. She was kind enough to give me all those without too much complications. That's how we became friends. I knew I liked her too much as a friend, I decided to tell her and she still accepted me, that was another chapter of our friendship. a better one. With her, 3 hours was like 5 minutes. Everything moves in slow motion, magnified and you get to see the beauty of every detail around you. She gives meaning to this particular line in the song, "I see some angels dance around you" I'm not hallucinating but for every time her mouth opens, you know a beautiful sound enters your ears like an enchanting melody that rings every time you are alone. Like your favorite song that you keep playing it over and over until you can't stop singing it. The thought of her sweet smile makes you smile too. It's so sweet you no longer need chocolate or anything sweet for that matter. Her eyes, round sparkly eyes that speaks of innocence and bliss. Something anyone would want to covet because we have lost ours but later you realize she's too special and you just leave it like that. She's special, so special that out of the 26 letters in the alphabet, the first letter of her name became my favorite. She's really special and she knows that. For some reason, admiring her from afar is something that I need to get used to. It's alright, that's what growing up means and that's what humanity wishes for her and for me. How I wish I could rebel against the norms of this stupid society. I could, I would if she tells me to but as of now, the situation is too hot and I'll just wait for things to simmer down.

So.. do you think I'm in love? tss.. is this love?

I don't know and I don't want to know.

BY: Anonymous

Image Source: We Heart It